Do you have a Sexless Relationship?

by Drs. David Schnarch and Ruth Morehouse

This quiz, based on over 40 years of clinical experience and reviewing research on sex and marriage, can help you assess the sexual side of your relationship. Rather than measuring your adequacy or rating your marriage, use it to scrutinize your love life and decide if you want to change it. Read each question and choose the answer that best fits your experience.

1. How often do you and your partner have sex (on average)?
Not in the last year (1 point)
Several times a year (2 points)
Once or twice a month (3 points)
Once or twice a week (4 points)
Four or five times a week (5 points)

2. What are the longest periods you have gone without having sex together?
7 months to a year or more (1 point)
3-6 months (2 points)
1-2 months (3 points)
2-3 weeks (4 points)
A week (5 points)

3. Just how passionate and erotic is your sexual relationship?
Sex is non-existent (1 point)
Sex is passionless, mechanical, and non-erotic (2 points)
Sex is friendly but predictable and uninspired, lacking in creativity and spontaneity (3 points)
Sex is pretty steamy (4 points)
If it got any hotter, our bed might catch fire (5 points)

4. How much intimacy and emotional connection is present when you have sex?
Sex is an intense meeting of our minds and souls, and not just our bodies. (5 points)
Sex is a little personal, but much of "who I am sexually" never really shows. (4 points)
Sex is mostly on trading orgasms. (3 points)
There is no joining. I spend most of my time fantasizing about other partners, or thinking about other things. (2 points)
Sex is non-existent (1 point)

5. Do you and your partner structure your relationship to avoid sex and intimacy?
We go to bed at the same time and use it as a time to connect including sexually. (5 points)
We go to bed at the same time and connect, but it rarely leads to sex. (4 points)
We go to bed at the same time, but there is no physical or emotional connection between us. (3 points)
We go to bed at different times to avoid having sex. (2 points)
We sleep in different bedrooms or live apart much of the time. (1 point)

6. How often do you and your partner kiss during sex?
We kiss multiple times in almost every sexual encounter (5 points)
We kiss at least once in three quarters of our sexual encounters (4 points)
We kiss at least once in half of our sexual encounters (3 points)
We rarely kiss when we have sex (2 points)
We never have sex (1 point)

7. Do you and your partner ever have eyes-open sex?
I and/or my partner sometimes have orgasms while looking into each others eyes. (5 points)
We sometimes make eye-contact during sex. (4 points)
We open our eyes, but never make eye-contact. (3 points)
One or both of us keep our eyes closed during sex. (2 points)
We never have sex (1 point)

8. Do you and/or your partner have sexual dysfunctions (problems with lubrication or erections, or orgasms)?
Neither of us have difficulty getting aroused or having orgasms. (5 points)
I am (and/or my partner is) slow to arouse, but once we get started, we don't have any difficulties. (4 points)
One or both of us occasionally have difficulty with arousal and/or orgasms. (3 points)
One or both of us frequently have difficulty with arousal and/or orgasms. (2 points)
We never have sex (1 point)

9. Do you or your partner struggle with low desire to have sex (before you start)?
Almost always (1 point)
Usually (2 points)
Sometimes (3 points)
Rarely (4 points)
Never (5 points)

10. Do you or your partner have problems with lack of desire during sex?
Almost always (1 point)
Usually (2 points)
Sometimes (3 points)
Rarely (4 points)
Never (5 points)

(The following ensures that a person, not an automated program, is making this request)

Enter the sum of 4 + 2:   


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